Friday, December 23, 2011

Life with cancer

Sometimes life can get in the way of living. I did not realize how long I had been out of commission, and IN what can only be described as a tremendous funk. I blame it on cancer. I blame most everything on cancer these days. My tiredness. My sadness. My apathy for my own health.

Cancer is evil, and cancer is all- consuming. It not only consumes the body of its victim, but also consumes the lives and thoughts and emotions their loved ones. Cancer is vicious in its attack. It does not hold back. It does not care who you are.

In the case of my mother, the cancer is winning the fight. Her treatments are not working. Not only are they not successful, but the cancer is getting stronger each and every week. There comes a point when you have to ask is the suffering and sickness from the chemotherapy worth it? When it becomes clear that your last resort is failing, at what point do you give up the fight? Or do you?

It is questions such as these that fill my mind. That keep me from peaceful sleep. It is not so much worry as it is just thoughts. Continual thoughts. Thoughts that cause me to wonder why at this point in life is my mother losing her battle with cancer, as my father is just beginning his? 

I wonder how many children have two parents with cancer the same time. I am sure it is many. I wonder what this means for my future health. I simply wonder. I wonder how to deal with it all. I wonder what the purpose is in the suffering cancer creates.

Cancer is evil. It strangles. It consumes. It sucks the very life from once healthy beautiful people. It causes chaos. It is overwhelming.

Until...I remember that everything happens according to God's plan and for His purpose. It is when I step back and remember this, that I can function in a semi-normal state again.


  1. Hi Melody. I have never been in your shoes, but I have walked through cancer with with stepmother and grandmother. My stepmother survived it and my grandmother did not. Now both of my grandparents on my mom's side have been fighting cancer, so I guess she is in a similar place as you. Recently though, my grandmother, after being in stage3, has been determined "cancer-free" (without chemo), which even the doctors are calling a miracle, while my grandpa's continues to progress. Anyways, I although I can't say I know exactly how you feel, I understand what a difficult place you are in, and pray that through the heartache and the treatments and the pain that the peace of God would be with you and your parents.

    P.S. Because of my grandmother's age and fragile health, she was given Herceptin treatments. Usually it is given to assist the chemo, and my grandma was a guinea pig for them doing it alone without the chemo. It was pretty gentle on her, and like I said, they believe the cancer is gone. Just wondering if they have tried or suggested Herceptin for your mom?

  2. Hi Rebecca. It is so nice to hear from you. My mother just had her second Herceptin infusion on Thursday. It is odd, because it is making her more sick than the regular chemotherapy was. Not sure if that means something else is going on or not.

    My mom has Stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones and lungs. She continues to try to live her life as she did pre-cancer, and that is oh so hard to watch since is unable to do so.

    Thank you for your prayers, and I will add your family to my prayers as well.

    God bless.