Homesick for Haiti

I find myself at a loss for words - yet I feel as if I have so much to say. We flew in from Haiti Sunday evening, and I went to work Monday morning. I have not really had the "decompression" time that is needed to fully process the 11 days in Haiti. The thoughts I AM able to get together are scattered, and I know this....so try to bear with me, if you will.

I think there are probably a lot of people who do not understand why we went, and truth be told, it is hard to explain. Paul and I were called to missions before we even met one another, so it is something that we have known, or hoped, we would do together. We did not go on this trip for ourselves, or to say we "went on a mission trip, aren't we cool." The purpose was not to go have a good time or go on a "Christian" vacation for fun.

We feel as if missions is going to be the way we live our lives. We have been praying for years and trying to listen - so that His voice alone guides our steps. So if it makes any sense, this trip to Haiti was meant to go and meet people, take supplies that were needed, and to help in whatever way He led us. But it was to ultimately determine how or even IF He wanted to use us in Haiti.

I have to say that we saw life as we never have before. It still defies explanation for me. What I did learn, is that there are beautiful people there who do NEED our help. Who welcome our help. There are needs that He put right in front of our faces, needs that if we ignore as though we never saw them, will be a slap in the face of our Almighty God. I am not prepared to do that. I do not want my "religion" to be in vain. I want to do whatever it takes to say "yes" to the One who gave me life. The One who expects me to do the same for His children when they cannot do it on their own.

I find myself thinking of the children of CHOH, our new friends in Haiti, baby Marie, and the people I saw on the streets each day all throughout the day. They are in my prayers when I awaken, when I go to bed, and all throughout my day. I find myself wanting to check the news for what is happening with the cholera outbreak, with the protests against the UN presence there...with the ordinary events of the day - although very little of what happens in Haiti can be considered ordinary.

Everyone who has been to Haiti, has phrases that help describe what you go through....and it appears they are pretty universal. Haiti seems to have a pull, a way of drawing you back to her...even when you might want to resist...

There is what Dr, Jenny called the "Haiti Heartbreak" - and oh yes it is VERY real - I experienced that with baby Marie and Obed. I think my attachment to Marie was fairly obvious to most, and something about Obed still tugs on my heartstrings...I have kept that one mostly to myself. I can only deal with so much emotion at one time. It seems that the uncontrollable shedding of tears is part of the this thing they call the "Haiti Heartbreak." I don't like it.

The "Haiti Hangover" is that feeling you have after you leave Haiti - I think mine started on the plane. I thought I was great and made it out with no tears....How wrong I was...Before the plane took off, the tears were flowing, and I wanted to be back at the guesthouse, back at CHOH, just back on the ground in Haiti. Just get me OFF this plane!

Finally, there is what I am calling "HaitiSick." It is being homesick for Haiti. That's where I am at this moment. Haiti and its beautiful people are in my prayers, in my thoughts, and in my dreams....I am restless, and I do not feel like I will be at ease until I am back in Haiti - trying to show the love of Christ to some of the most resilient and amazing people I have ever met.